Trust and respect

 

i have been online for about 10 years now. Daddy and i met online actually. Frankly i have maintained only 2 friendships with women from that time. We talk in IM or on the phone. Although, the only online thing i really do now is just my blog, i don’t do chatrooms, actually i can’t stand them. i’ve observed quite a lot of things over the years in and out of a chatroom.

The one thing that bothers me… is the lack of respect others show to someone that is in a committed in a real life relationship. Boundaries are disregarded and people forget that there is someone living, breathing that FEELS. Yes i admit, i have a jealous streak, yes i admit i have trust issues, but i also realize those trust issues are MY issues and i can easily project them. It’s not that i don’t trust Daddy, i do, i don’t trust others motives out there. Sometimes it all seems like a game, to see if they can win the big prize. And just what is that prize to them? That they can worm their way in between a relationship? i personally at this stage in my life, just do not understand this. It all reminds me of my teenage daughter’s troubled friends really.

Daddy has a lot of online clients, some are from chat rooms. i am always amazed at the women throwing themselves at Him. It bothers me that they do so with so little respect for me. They are lonely souls who just want attention. i’ve been down that road, i understand. i’ve been through a lot with online relationships, discrepancies. i’m no saint, but i’ve come to a point in my life where i feel sad for some of these people, but on the other hand, everyone has the power to move on and out of a situation that isn’t working for them. Online is an escape from reality for most, and can get easy stuck there. i think most get confused when fantasy and reality cross lines or they are looking for their knight on a white horse to come rescue them… It rarely happens.

Daddy & i have experimented with another couple a few years ago. In that instance, i did not feel insecure whatsoever. It was something we discussed, we shared, and we laugh about now. We had a curiosity, we communicated, and we both decided we would not share that with anyone.

He got into a conversation with a young girl and He told her. She had come to Him for advice. i was hurt that He so openly shared this intimate secret of ours with a stranger, when He so adamantly wouldn’t even let me write about it on this blog… anonymously even. i couldn’t understand and really, i still don’t why He would have done that. i felt betrayed, hurt and i felt a violation of trust was broken.

i don’t like how this has made me feel. Not. At. All. He regrets it, He’s apologized and He sees where i find this as a violation of trust. No one is perfect, we all make mistakes. i have forgiven but i remember and it takes time for wounds to heal.

i know He loves me, i know He would never want to cause me pain in that way. We’ve had some really hot sex since then too… but when i am working or driving to work… this creeps into my head. This conversation with her, her coming to Him for relationship advice and then turning into a conversation where He would share one of our most intimate experiences. i struggle with understanding. maybe i’ll never understand and i just have to let go of it … and in time… i suppose i will. i love Him, more than i have ever loved anyone. He tells me the same, He shows me that too. i know deep down, i am silly for being insecure.

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