i hadn’t had one in a long time, but last night, i was beat, crawling into bed while Daddy was watching the news. i drifted off to sleep, i remember Him curling up to my back, cupping my breast, rubbing my bottom. Next thing i remember is Daddy holding me, softly shaking me … saying my name… are you ok? Apparently i had a bad dream, one that was making me twitch, one that was making me gasp, like i was afraid or drowning… Daddy said.
i remember Him talking to me and i was looking around, not sure where i was for a moment, my face was wet, i had been crying in my sleep. Daddy talking to me pulling me to Him, “baby baby… you scared Me.. what were you dreaming?” i remember looking about and everytime He asked something all i could say was “What?” “huh?” He said it seemed like i was struggling, i was scared, my breathing became gasping like, tears silently running down my face. i felt scared, i felt lost. i don’t know what i was dreaming, so i don’t know what brought all this on.
He held me… tears flowed and then i began to cry hard. “i miss my mom” It just came out, and it’s so true, i miss her. Was i dreaming of her? She was on my mind yesterday, it’s approaching her “angel day”, last days of seeing of her. Reminders are out, the flowers, the trees.
Daddy holds me, lets me cry. Shushing me, wiping my tears… telling me He loves me. Then He asks “Are you afraid I’m going to leave you?” i meekly say “Yes, there are times i think about it.” He gently asks “Do you think about Me dying?” my mind races, because yes, yes i do think of this. Daddy is older than me and i have lost some very significant people in my life in death.
i whisper “yes i do.”
He holds me close, “baby, I have no intentions of leaving you, I plan on living a long time with you, everyone dies, I don’t plan on dying. No one wants to, I could die tomorrow but you hang on to all the wonderful memories of Us.”
He kisses me, telling me He loves me. Calling me by my pet name that only He calls me.
“baby I’m gonna go watch some tv, My mind needs to wind down.” He’s been working so hard on a new project.
“Can i lay on the couch with You? i still feel scared and i don’t want to be alone.”
So i curl up to Daddy on the couch, His protective arm around me. i drift off to slumberland, this time peacefully.
i am protected, i am safe… but mostly i am loved more than i ever thought possible.
Afterall… doesn’t every lil girl need her Daddy… i know i do.