Diary of a Daddy's girl http://www.subessence.com Master calls me essence... for i am the essence of His love... and He is the essence of my being... Thu, 26 Feb 2009 12:32:33 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7.1 en hourly 1 A polygamous heart? http://www.subessence.com/a-polygamous-heart/ http://www.subessence.com/a-polygamous-heart/#comments Thu, 26 Feb 2009 12:17:45 +0000 essence http://www.subessence.com/?p=493 i’ve been thinking about this of late. What defines someone as being polygamous. Is it someone who has the capacity to love many openly and honestly? Or is it someone who doesn’t get what they need from just one person and needs numerous others to fill them up? i read many blogs online, [...]]]>

i’ve been thinking about this of late. What defines someone as being polygamous. Is it someone who has the capacity to love many openly and honestly? Or is it someone who doesn’t get what they need from just one person and needs numerous others to fill them up?

i read many blogs online, few i really comment on. i read of those that are poly, i read of those that are the secondary to a primary that doesn’t even know there is a secondary. Is that polygamy? To me that seems more of someone that is cheating. They can’t be honest and they hide and sneak. i don’t believe that to be someone that is poly at all.

i guess if someone isn’t getting what they need from their significant other, they need to be honest and communicate these to them. Rather than seek it out elsewhere, and well if they can’t do that, they should walk away from that person. Just my opinion. i don’t believe someone who sneaks, lies and cheats to be poly. Some just can’t commit, and it’s the thrill of lying and sneaking that’s the nature.

Daddy & i did have one experience with another couple. It was hot in it’s own way. It was exciting to experience together. It was something we mutually agreed upon and so we did it together and it was something that didn’t involve emotions. it was purely a sexual experience. i’m not sure what that falls under, but it was a something that perked our curiousity, we talked openly to each other about it. We both wanted to experience this and we then moved forward with it. Would i do it again? i can’t say yes or no, it’s not something i think about a whole lot. i reflect on our experience and i will say the time after that, i never felt so close to Daddy. it definitely bonded us closer and i think it was due to the fact we were so openly honest about wanting this experience, moving forward together and sharing it together.

i don’t believe i am not one of a poly nature though, and i don’t think the experience we had made me ever think i was poly but i have cheated in the past. Both times it was because i was not getting what i needed from my relationship and i will state, i wanted out of that relationship. i do regret my actions, for cheating before i left. i should have left first but that is in the past and i can’t change it. Those days are over for me really, i want stability, i want comfortable and i was security. i want honesty, trust and value on my love.

i for one, would rather have them leave me, then to lie and cheat on me. i’m worth more than that, and if someone can’t value that, then walk away. Don’t waste my time and let me move forward and find what you need elsewhere.

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Ouch http://www.subessence.com/ouch-2/ http://www.subessence.com/ouch-2/#comments Mon, 23 Feb 2009 13:57:21 +0000 essence http://www.subessence.com/?p=489 So i have been getting a Brazilian for almost 2 yrs now. Recently, i have done them on my own. i tried GiGi’s creme wax this last time… yuck, don’t like it. i felt like these girls…. i prefer the honey wax, and that’s what i’ll be going back too. [...]]]>

So i have been getting a Brazilian for almost 2 yrs now. Recently, i have done them on my own. i tried GiGi’s creme wax this last time… yuck, don’t like it. i felt like these girls…. i prefer the honey wax, and that’s what i’ll be going back too. (also, i have an in with a distributor with a top line) ahhh yes he’s getting a call today too!

i always get asked “doesn’t it hurt?” well of course it does! but the more you do it, the less hair that comes back and really now, it doesn’t hurt at all.

This video always cracks me up… i remember that first wax… lol

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New Beginnings http://www.subessence.com/new-beginnings/ http://www.subessence.com/new-beginnings/#comments Fri, 20 Feb 2009 12:05:55 +0000 essence http://www.subessence.com/?p=483 That’s what i want. i want to leave the past behind and move forward. In the last month or so, i have walked out of a couple of friendships. One was with a long time friend from childhood, and the other was a long time online friend. Reasons for having done [...]]]>

That’s what i want. i want to leave the past behind and move forward.

In the last month or so, i have walked out of a couple of friendships. One was with a long time friend from childhood, and the other was a long time online friend. Reasons for having done so? i felt empty. It began to feel one-sided, and i just stopped communicating. Easy? no, they were both dear friends for a long time. Common thread? both very narcissistic. i don’t have the energy for it anymore. The one from online loves drama, and i don’t want any of it, especially online drama. ugh i hate that crap.

So i decided i need new friends. i’ll admit, my dearest best friend, aside from Daddy, is a gay man. Frankly he fills all my girlfriend needs, we go shopping, we laugh, talk on the phone, you know all the things a girl needs and can’t get from the Man in her life. He really has been there for me like no other friend has. Yet, sometimes a girlfriend is nice to have.

i haven’t been here much. i have felt kind of lost and out of sorts. i want to get back on track. This weekend i want to reconnect with Daddy, get us back to our journey together. Our businesses are both booming and keeping busy, which is good. i am looking forward to some one on one time. Talk, reconnect, and have some wild sex.

Everyone has bumps in the road. mine just made me immobile for awhile, but i want to move forward. Get back to where we were. i love Daddy more than i thought i could love someone, and i don’t want to be held prisoner behind my walls of protection. Really those are more harmful then living and feeling. i’ve been down that road before, i’ve seen that side of things, i don’t want it. it’s a lonely place to be.

So i am going to start by posting some of my stories again. i think that’s a good start as any. Get away from negative energies.

essence

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Random thoughts http://www.subessence.com/random-thoughts-2/ http://www.subessence.com/random-thoughts-2/#comments Tue, 17 Feb 2009 13:27:16 +0000 essence http://www.subessence.com/?p=480 i have come here alot to write… about what? i don’t know. i still feel a lil raw about what took place. i feel like i have no one to confide these things too. really when i think about it… i have no one to confide too. No one in [...]]]>

i have come here alot to write… about what? i don’t know. i still feel a lil raw about what took place. i feel like i have no one to confide these things too. really when i think about it… i have no one to confide too. No one in my world here would ever understand the type of relationship Daddy & i have. Most of my friends here don’t do online, except for surfing and well… what most use it for. It’s hard to carry around these feelings i have and no one to talk to about them.

i know i could write them out here.. but i sit down and well… nothing comes out. i freeze. i’m not sure why… no one i know, aside from Daddy, knows about this blog. i just clam up. Part of me has done that with Daddy too. i put myself out there like i never have before, let my guard down, let Daddy in closer than anyone. i feel a familiar wall around me again. That protection of .. if no one comes in… no one can hurt me ever again. i feel like i am in a daze, going through the motions and just merely existing….

How do i get back to good? How do i let it all wash away? How do i find that comfort zone again? How do i allow myself to love and be loved without barriers? i’m sad today… sad and the free part of myself that has ran into a closet to hide from everything and everyone….

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Trust and respect http://www.subessence.com/trust-and-respect/ http://www.subessence.com/trust-and-respect/#comments Sun, 08 Feb 2009 14:18:45 +0000 essence http://www.subessence.com/?p=468 i have been online for about 10 years now. Daddy and i met online actually. Frankly i have maintained only 2 friendships with women from that time. We talk in IM or on the phone. Although, the only online thing i really do now is just my blog, i don’t do chatrooms, [...]]]>

i have been online for about 10 years now. Daddy and i met online actually. Frankly i have maintained only 2 friendships with women from that time. We talk in IM or on the phone. Although, the only online thing i really do now is just my blog, i don’t do chatrooms, actually i can’t stand them. i’ve observed quite a lot of things over the years in and out of a chatroom.

The one thing that bothers me… is the lack of respect others show to someone that is in a committed in a real life relationship. Boundaries are disregarded and people forget that there is someone living, breathing that FEELS. Yes i admit, i have a jealous streak, yes i admit i have trust issues, but i also realize those trust issues are MY issues and i can easily project them. It’s not that i don’t trust Daddy, i do, i don’t trust others motives out there. Sometimes it all seems like a game, to see if they can win the big prize. And just what is that prize to them? That they can worm their way in between a relationship? i personally at this stage in my life, just do not understand this. It all reminds me of my teenage daughter’s troubled friends really.

Daddy has a lot of online clients, some are from chat rooms. i am always amazed at the women throwing themselves at Him. It bothers me that they do so with so little respect for me. They are lonely souls who just want attention. i’ve been down that road, i understand. i’ve been through a lot with online relationships, discrepancies. i’m no saint, but i’ve come to a point in my life where i feel sad for some of these people, but on the other hand, everyone has the power to move on and out of a situation that isn’t working for them. Online is an escape from reality for most, and can get easy stuck there. i think most get confused when fantasy and reality cross lines or they are looking for their knight on a white horse to come rescue them… It rarely happens.

Daddy & i have experimented with another couple a few years ago. In that instance, i did not feel insecure whatsoever. It was something we discussed, we shared, and we laugh about now. We had a curiosity, we communicated, and we both decided we would not share that with anyone.

He got into a conversation with a young girl and He told her. She had come to Him for advice. i was hurt that He so openly shared this intimate secret of ours with a stranger, when He so adamantly wouldn’t even let me write about it on this blog… anonymously even. i couldn’t understand and really, i still don’t why He would have done that. i felt betrayed, hurt and i felt a violation of trust was broken.

i don’t like how this has made me feel. Not. At. All. He regrets it, He’s apologized and He sees where i find this as a violation of trust. No one is perfect, we all make mistakes. i have forgiven but i remember and it takes time for wounds to heal.

i know He loves me, i know He would never want to cause me pain in that way. We’ve had some really hot sex since then too… but when i am working or driving to work… this creeps into my head. This conversation with her, her coming to Him for relationship advice and then turning into a conversation where He would share one of our most intimate experiences. i struggle with understanding. maybe i’ll never understand and i just have to let go of it … and in time… i suppose i will. i love Him, more than i have ever loved anyone. He tells me the same, He shows me that too. i know deep down, i am silly for being insecure.

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How long do you want to be loved? http://www.subessence.com/how-long-do-you-want-to-be-loved/ http://www.subessence.com/how-long-do-you-want-to-be-loved/#comments Wed, 04 Feb 2009 04:18:36 +0000 essence http://www.subessence.com/?p=469 is forever enough? ]]>

is forever enough?

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Need time http://www.subessence.com/need-time/ http://www.subessence.com/need-time/#comments Tue, 27 Jan 2009 15:37:01 +0000 essence http://www.subessence.com/?p=466 i feel broken inside hurt gone for awhile ]]>

i feel broken inside
hurt
gone for awhile

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Happy New Year Daddy http://www.subessence.com/happy-new-year-daddy/ http://www.subessence.com/happy-new-year-daddy/#comments Sat, 03 Jan 2009 22:12:47 +0000 essence http://www.subessence.com/?p=455 As we start another new year together Daddy, i will always remember You playing this song for me and the words moved me so. Especially when You looked me in the eyes and sang “You see, it’s all clear You were meant to be here From the beginning” i melted and i still do when this song [...]]]>

As we start another new year together Daddy, i will always remember You playing this song for me and the words moved me so. Especially when You looked me in the eyes and sang

“You see, it’s all clear
You were meant to be here
From the beginning”

i melted and i still do when this song plays..

i love You Daddy

From The Beginning by Emerson, Lake & Palmer

There might have been things I missed
But don’t be unkind
It don’t mean I’m blind
Perhaps there’s a thing or two
I think of lying in bed
I shouldn’t have said
But there it is

You see, it’s all clear
You were meant to be here
From the beginning

Maybe I might have changed
And not been so cruel
Not been such a fool
Whatever was done is done
I just can’t recall
It doesn’t matter at all

You see, it’s all clear
You were meant to be here
From the beginning

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Belated Merry Christmas http://www.subessence.com/belated-merry-christmas/ http://www.subessence.com/belated-merry-christmas/#comments Tue, 30 Dec 2008 13:56:58 +0000 essence http://www.subessence.com/?p=451 i didn’t realize it’s been so long since i’ve written anything on my blog! i’ve neglected you so…i’m sorry. i’ve been busy with the holidays, and my business move… throw in a few kids and well…. It’s consumed my time. Daddy & i are doing well. i haven’t felt the [...]]]>

i didn’t realize it’s been so long since i’ve written anything on my blog! i’ve neglected you so…i’m sorry.

i’ve been busy with the holidays, and my business move… throw in a few kids and well…. It’s consumed my time. Daddy & i are doing well. i haven’t felt the little girl come out too much lately. she did on Christmas.. watching my children … Daddy says i’m just as excited as they are. He’s right, watching them gives me such joy, i could do without presents myself, my pleasure comes from seeing theirs.

Life has had many demands lately, alot of stress, alot of worries… so much responsibility. This economy has not helped Daddy’s business or mine. We are both hoping 2009 will be a great year… Already His business is showing promise. It’s been real slow for Him, mine has been hit and miss. i am hoping my move will show to be a wise one. i feel the positive energy already when i got my new office set up, and i’ve gone back to work in another city, so i am driving again. i feel like i haven’t been home a whole lot this past week. Daddy doesn’t like me working out of town but … at this time i need to financially, until my business picks up. and the pay is really, really good.

i like being busy too, i feel better, hopefully i’ll get more into a schedule and start working out again… lose this weight i put on after Daddy moved in. When i was working before, with a set schedule, i worked out religiously, but when i went out on my own… i began to feel my life was chaotic because i felt like i didn’t have a schedule. i was running into work whenever… no set schedule. my goal is to have more of a schedule. i seem to do alot better with structure in my life. when there isn’t structure it seems to derail and i have a hard time coming back. i think my weight gain is a result of that. So with the new year about to begin… i want to lose 20lbs. (wrinkles nose) as that’s what i had gained in the last year with Daddy moving in.

Health wise, i am feeling very good. i was so sick for about 6 weeks, it was horrible. Our sex life suffered from that, i was tired all the time, sore throat, coughing, sinus trouble, or running to the bathroom.. that sure puts a damper on things! i will say we’ve had some hot sex in the past few weeks too… i’ll try to write about it soon… i promise!

The hottest thing for me is role-playing, i love playing His babygirl who sleeps over secretly, crawling into His bed and He starts by asking if she’s ever touched her cunt before, if anyone has ever touched it, seduces her, takes her innocence. Showing her all the pleasures He takes from her body. Whew… getting steamy just thinking about it. yeah, i’ll have to write about that… for us it’s very hot. i’m usually a puddle… and left breathless.

On that note… i need to get going, work calls.

essence

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Super Busy http://www.subessence.com/super-busy/ http://www.subessence.com/super-busy/#comments Sat, 06 Dec 2008 14:51:51 +0000 essence http://www.subessence.com/?p=445 It’s the holiday season and i am finally getting over my sicknesses… i spent most of November sick. Now i am plunging into my work. Trying to build my business and i am getting very excited about it. Daddy & i are doing well. Although He is sick now, my poor [...]]]>

It’s the holiday season and i am finally getting over my sicknesses… i spent most of November sick. Now i am plunging into my work. Trying to build my business and i am getting very excited about it.

Daddy & i are doing well. Although He is sick now, my poor Daddy! i am coming up on making some major changes for my work. Some stuff went down a few weeks ago and an opportunity landed in my lap without my even looking. i believe in there are no coincidences, and this was definitely heaven sent from someone watching over me. *smiles* THANK YOU! i am very excited and nervous at the direction i am going. All in a good way. i am relocating my business and the environment is so much more conducive for my line of work. i am stepping further into my role of being my own business. Daddy has been a huge player in all this… supporting me, giving me ideas (and yes i know sometimes my red-headed irish stubborness sneaks out) but i appreciate ALL HIS SUPPORT and i know how fortunate i am to have someone like Daddy with all His business experience in my court.

Having been sick in Nov. my sex drive came to a halt. i was tired all the time, worn out, not feeling good and when i wasn’t working, or taking care of the kids, or cleaning up, i curled up with a book and dozed off. Daddy is a night owl, so when He comes to bed i am out like a light and it’s like the lightbulb completely burnt out. Now i am feeling better and He is sick, coughing is His worst thing right now. Then of course i get my period blah sighs i miss Daddy’s hands on me, pushing me down into the mattress and pulling, twisting my nipples, yanking down my panties and forcing His fingers inside me…. all the while whispering in my ear asking if His lil girl likes to be fucked. *fans self* just thinking about how hot it is. Maybe i’ll have to write another story, it’s been awhile since i’ve written one.

With being sick over November i haven’t felt too submissive, i’ve just wanted to sleep, and rest. It was hard trying to juggle kids, and a few of them were sick in Nov as well, which didn’t help. I tried not to reschedule too many clients either, i tried to stay on top of that but some days i just couldn’t do it. November could have been a very busy month for me if i hadn’t gotten so sick… so this month i’ve kicked up my marketing a bit… i have Christmas presents to buy! Daddy & i aren’t going to exchange gifts this year… and i’ve already gotten my gift from my oldest son. Which by the way was such a much needed wonderful surprise. He did GOOD. He came and got my car one day and put a full set of new tires on it and gave it a tune up as well. He works in that field so He knows what He is doing and He always makes sure my car is up to His standards lol

i have to say… i am one lucky girl to have a Daddy like mine, that helps me so much with my business and a very lucky mom to have been blessed with the children i have… This Holiday Season i am extremely grateful for family.

essence

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