If you are under 18 yrs of age. Kindly click the X. For mature readers only. We are two grown adults who love to role-play. i am His lil girl.


March 2009
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About Me

my name is essence Master gave me this name when We first started exploring together i was not always a submissive woman or should i say i did not discover this side of me until i met the most wonderful Man i know. We met online almost 4 years ago i knew little of the D/s lifestyle We were first friends, talking for months… to meeting in real… becoming lovers. We've been living together for a year now.  i call Him Daddy.

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Diary of a Daddy’s girl

Master calls me essence… for i am the essence of His love… and He is the essence of my being…

Archive for the 'Essays' Category


Author: essence
12 13th, 2007

This is a post i have been working on for a few days now. Daddy & i have had numerous conversations about D/s and it’s relation to BDSM.

Can you be one without the other?

We are definitely D/s, but BDSM? Ok, so BD (blush), i am finding i love being in His bondage, i feel complete surrender in that. And my surrendering is also a huge turn on for me.

SM? we are not, He does not want to hurt me, and i don’t find any pleasure in it either. So i… well we have always wondered… does a D/s couple have to be into BDSM? We have read alot of online blogs, etc. and it seems most D/s couples are BDSM. Now granted i understand some are completely into that, it’s not for everyone. i understand the whole contract between two people and consensual, it’s just not for Daddy & i. i find pleasure in giving myself to Him, for His use, when He wants. i definitely know i am not a pain slut. We have read other blogs, seen pictures, and we definitely know that is not us. i am not knocking anyone that is… it’s just not us.

Each couple has to find their own way, what “fits” for them, doesn’t matter if they are vanilla, D/s, Top/bottom. Everyone is different. We seem to work very well with how we are.

Does this make me any less submissive because we aren’t into pain?

No, it doesn’t. The worth of my submission is really in value to my Daddy… it is His.

Maybe He isn’t as strict with me like some Dom’s are with their subs, i might have more freedom than others but truly we found a perfect fit… for us. i do ask for permission on things where in previous relationships, i would not have. It was never defined, but it always seemed somewhere along the line it was something taken from me, expected of me without any discussion. Something changed and without notice to me, somehow i was a disappointment. Now i have someone that will communicate with me, and i admit there are times i retreat as i am not use to it, but i am working more and more at this.

We are definitely Daddy/babygirl, i do look up to Him more than i have any other man. No punishment, as in spanking or otherwise could amount to the disappointment i see in His eyes for something i have done. He encourages me, Mentors me, Protects me and Loves me… more than i have ever experienced before… and oh yes… He spoils His lil girl and not just with buying me things, but with His love & affection, and for me, that is truly how i have always wanted to be spoiled.

So again, i ask…

am i any less submissive because we are not into SM?

Which brings up another question…

Is there anyone out there like us? Are we rare?

Master had me write this in early Sept. We had a rough spot so to speak… but i also feel that was a big turning point for me to really take a hard look at my issues of trust… and from that allowing me to deepen my submission to Master… i realize looking over my site… i write alot of the deep bond we have… the tough times i have not been able to share too much… it is not always easy being a submissive… but it is from those times that i come out of it stronger and my bond with Master deepens… strengthens… part of Our growth together…

What i desire in a Master….

A Protector
i think of a protector and there some qualities that come to mind for this.. One that is trustworthy… with all of me… not just physically.. but emotionally, mentally…my heart, my body, my mind, my spirit, along with that is One that is responsiblemature…. the more i read about a M/s relationship, a Master has alot of responsibility caring for a submissive… i want to feel safe …knowing i can tell Him everything and i won’t be judged…and it won’t be used against me…. looking out for me…

A Teacher-Mentor

One with experience and knowledge… One that is strong, gentle but firm in teaching me.. One that i can talk to freely about anything and everything i may have questions about… being able to express myself …guidance… i am entering an extremely important role…that i want to do to the fullest…a good communicator…i think in any relationship that is extremely important… good communication.. consistent..stable…i think consistency and stability is important in all things…otherwise confusion sets in… understanding… i am not perfect… i will make mistakes…respect is equally as important… it is needed in any type of relationship… both involved

A Lover
One full of love, desire, passion, compassionate, tender…but also open to explore… giving… not just in love… but in affection.. patience, kindness..loving…appreciated for all i am attempting to do… love should never be taken for granted in any aspect but held close to the heart and above all else…

A Friend-Companion
a good listener… One that that i can come to…talk to about just the little things even… spending time with…One that i can just be comfortable with

A Daddy…

i want to feel loved, cherished … like His most prized possession.. His princess…. His girl… i want to feel safe …knowing i can tell Him everything and i won’t be judged…and it won’t be used against me….unconditional love knowing He is always my Safe Haven… waiting with arms open to love me for me…. all of me… trusting Him …knowing He has my best interest at heart.

submission means to give up control to Your Dom. Your Dom is complete control and takes full responsibility for you. By surrendering all to Him, mind, body and spirit for Him to train You to fullfill His needs. As a sub you must learn your Dom’s needs so that you can anticipate Them. As a sub you must follow the rules set up for you by your Dom and follow them and accept the punishment that is given if you are disobedient. Be respectful to your Dom, speak respectfully, it is ok to ask questions. Loyalty is important to your Dom, do not speak badly of Him to others and do not let others speak badly of Him. you must be open and honest with your Dom and never have secrets. as a bottom you should never try to top Your Dom or manipulate Him.

What i have to offer….

this is always difficult for me…..i don’t know why…..i know i have a lot of good qualities…just hard for me to describe myself…maybe it’s shyness, maybe it’s lack of self esteem…confidence in who i am…who i am becoming…over the years i have not felt alot of self worth….anyways…here it goes…what i have to offer… myself

i have yet alot to learn about being a submissive…submission can be difficult to do hundreds of miles away… i try my best… learning my Master’s every need…i am willing to learn..i have a desire to learn… an even stronger desire to please my Master…i am a pleaser… always have been but it’s been one sided in the past… and i was left with a complete feeling of emptiness… i am becoming more and more open… i do know i still have a long way to go… i know sometimes i hold back…. afraid to express my thoughts… fear of judgment… i need to clear past teachings… beliefs…molding a mind begins at a young age… i was raised where the man was the head of the household… society…peers…influence and distort things… i realize this takes time and patience from both of Us….giving You my mind takes trust and a strong belief in You to care for it with the greatest knowledge..understanding…patience…

i am giving my mind for You to mold… to please You Master…

hmmm my body… i have not been real fond of (or real kind to) my body over the past… but over the last few years i have been back on track to caring for it… i have struggled with my self image for a long time… and even though i have lost 90+lbs… i still see that fat girl when i look in the mirror… and i know that it is not how i really look on the outside but it is still how i feel on the inside… i have read that it takes time for the mind to catch up with the body in what they see… i don’t like my body pretty much… i want to change it… and i think the biggest reason i don’t like it… is i didn’t take care of it when it needed taking care of the most… i was unable to … it was a time where i was taking care of everyone else and no one was caring for me…

now giving my body to You Master, i have to care for it… keeping it fit..clean..waxed… doing everything how You like it.. so that when You look upon me ..You are pleased… and it gives You pleasure… making You proud..

i am giving You my body Master… for You to use whenever…and however it would please You…

along with the body is my heart
now as i sit here and just typed that… tears spring to my eyes… this above all is my most precious thing… my heart… it is one full of such love and hope for the future… full of passion and desire for You Master… going deeper than anything i have ever felt before…

i feel that i have a good heart… a big heart… it is one of great compassion & empathy for others…sometimes too much that i end up not watching out for it… this is where i need You Master… as my Protector… to Protect my heart along with the rest of me… my Safe Haven..

i am a nurturer by nature… been told that many times… to be that it does take great compassion… i want to care for You Master…

i can be impulsive and not think things through completely… going on emotion.. rather than looking at everything and making the best decision… another place i need You… as my Mentor/Teacher… my Daddy…Your experience, maturity.. and guidance is needed…

i am giving You my heart Master… to hold close, cherish, nurture, encourage, and to protect

this i feel includes the soul… as spirit is the conscious life mediating between body and soul…this also ties in the heart… as it is a big influence in the heart… our feelings…moods..

i feel that for the most part… i have a strong spirit…i feel things very deeply…sometimes too deeply… i think in the past… my spirit was held down for a very long time… it was not able to soar as it use to as a child… things happen in life that can dampen it… make it stay on the ground and afraid to really spread its wings and soar… again tears come to my eyes… realizing how my spirit over the years has been grounded… not by choice but from someone else’s distorted control… my spirit more than my heart has been deeply wounded… wow… typing that out… just really hit home… it has not been my heart that hasn’t healed… it’s been my spirit that has not found it’s wings again…wow… tears really come now… i have never thought about that… i have always felt that it was my heart that had not healed… huge moment of realization… as tears flow freely…

i want my spirit to soar again… freely… typing this all out… Master… it is all the things You offer that my spirit needs… A Protector, Mentor, Teacher, Guidance, Lover, Friend, Companion.. and a Daddy… to let that lil girl in me find herself again, spread her wings again… and really soar… and this time when i do… i know it is with Your Love, Guidance that i soar above everyone else… and not just alone but with You… holding my hand..

i give You my spirit Master… to build up again.. with new wings… to fly with You…

Master… along with this…. i want to give it all to You as well… i want to be Your safe haven as well, i want to hold, cherish, love, protect Your heart, i want to take care of You, support You, nurture You…i want to be Your lover, companion, Your friend… i want to be Your naughty babygirl… Your submissive…giving all of myself to You… to be Your everything…

i love You Master with all that i am….i will do my best to make You proud….

sub essence©

08 18th, 2007

~The Art of Making Love~

Have you ever felt what it really is like to make love? i think anyone can have wild sex… full of desire… want… passion… but making love is completely different from that…

Looking back over past relationships… i can honestly say.. i never experienced what making love was really like until Master… Our bond has deepened so much… on so many different levels… for Us… every aspect of Our relationship just keeps growing… it amazes me… and gives me butterflies… it is without a doubt that my love for Master has no boundaries… Each time i am with Master… Our bond deepens… Our love grows… Our love surprises Us… and We cherish it…

Master said to me a long time ago… foreplay is all day long with intermissions to make love… and He was so right… the chemistry between Us … is an all day long occurrence… not just in a moment of passion… it is all day long The way He looks at me… makes my insides melt… the way He touches me… even just the brush of His hand on mine… sends electricity through me… and the way He kisses me…. leaving me breathless… unaware of where i am… or who is around… and it is at these times… i want to just surrender to Him… right then and there… for Him to just take what is His…

So later in the day… after a day of seduction… when Master takes what is His… the intensity of it is unbelievable… to wild uninhibited sex to intense… tender.. passionate lovemaking… sometimes hours… exploring each other… talking to one another …it is incredible… He has taken me to new heights… higher than i have ever gone before… i am intoxicated at His love and desire for me… The uniting of Our spirits… dancing together… is the most wondrous feeling i have ever known.. i cannot even begin to express words to the extent of Our passion for One another…

With Master… because He doesn’t abuse my submission… because He does treasure as His gift… i am able to completely let go… hold back nothing… and i can honestly say… i feel completely free… free to explore… free to ask questions… free to let myself be that slutty seductress for my Master… and nothing is held back… Master’s Love sets me free… and it is the something i have never experienced before… so now my orgasms are not just your ordinary orgasms… they run completely through me… i feel it throughout my body… and beyond that.. it is really hard for me to put into words… all i can say is.. i have never had orgasms like this before…

To be with Someone that you fit together with… in all aspects of your life… and to have the most incredible connection with… and to have that bond deepen more and more… to have the Love you share grow bigger and bigger… then to have it all join together in making love… i can truly say… The Art of Making Love is the uniting of not just bodies… but of hearts… minds… souls… it is a completeness that i don’t think many experience… Master & i are very fortunate…

i love You Daddy… and i am Yours completely… forever and beyond….

Daddy’s princess

08 18th, 2007

it’s not about age
i do not think of my Daddy as a Father figure
i do know there is an innocent side of me
the lil girl in me and there is a woman
one full of desire, passion, heat for Him

He is Someone i can look to for guidance
i look up to Him with adoration and admiration
He is protective of me
Watches over me, i feel safe
and under His care i feel loved, cherished
His treasured lil girl

i know He loves me …
Know matter what i’ve done in my past
He helps me forgive myself of these things
and He loves me unconditionally
It is a very special bond… a very Special Love
One i have never shared with anyone before

i know i have alot to learn
And it is my Daddy that will teach me
i want nothing more than to please Him
Show Him how much i love Him
i know i will stumble, fall, make mistakes
i know He will help me up
Love me, Hold me, and Guide me…
To become everything my Daddy wants

i love You

Your babygirl

Written with Love for my Daddy November/2006

08 18th, 2007

Daddy’s babygirl

It took me some time to fully understand this type of relationship… but now… i smile deeply at this… it is a bond so special and strong… it runs very deep in my heart. i have done alot of reading… and as i said in yesterday’s entry that i observed alot of things online… i personally think there are few that get this type of relationship and what it is truly all about… it is NOT about age… it is about looking up to a Man that gives you so much … it is freedom to allow a part of you to come out and having someone Who does not judge you for it…

i am a grown woman but i have a lil girl inside me… she loves to be cherished.. adored… treated like a princess… she loves to be cuddled… made to feel very special but she also is a very fiery, sexual being… a lioness… she has alot of desire.. passion… fantasies.. and alot of curiosity… that i was never able to explore with someone as trusting someone with such deep thoughts was very difficult for me…

a Daddy to such a girl is someone who loves her no matter what… He is her Protector.. Her Mentor… Her Teacher… He Guides her…He allows that lil girl to be as naughty as she can be… and loves her for it… forgives her for all her past mistakes… this also goes back to my writing about how He sets me free… i am allowed to explore all the things i have a curiosity about… and He is my Protector… but He also delivers punishment as it is needed…

i admit there is so much for me to learn … i know for me … i have not had alot of great Male figures in my life to look up to… this type of relationship fulfills so much for me… i look up to Master… and yes i do call Him Daddy as well… He is all those things to me… He is protective of me… even when i didn’t realize it at times… He was… i have so much to learn from Him.. He guides me.. He loves when that naughty lil girl in me comes out *s* i have never had someone to hear all my past transgressions and hold it dearly that i entrust Him with such things about my past… knowing He will never throw such things in my face… my trust in Him and His love or me deepens to a level i have never known before…

He is my rock… the One person i know is there for me… i can’t begin to tell you what that means to me… as i said… i have not had alot of great Male figures in my life… and to have one that loves me… treasures me as His precious one… gives me such peace… i not only have that wonderful Male figure… i have the best of all worlds wrapped into One… He is the One…

i can only hope i aspire to be all that my Daddy needs ….

i love You Daddy… with all my heart… for that heart is Yours … always & forever… for eternity my Love…

Your babygirl

08 18th, 2007

~my thoughts today~

Master and i met online but we never carried out our relationship online… for numerous reasons … we never did an online D/s relationship… Everything we have explored together has been in conversations we have had and when we are together in real.

i have observed alot of D/s situations… discussions… all the discussions i have observed …i do just that… observe… take it all in… somethings i apply this knowledge to my relationship with Master… most i find interesting… at one time i was going to have a Mentor… but we chose not to go that route… we feel that our relationship has grown and progressed into a D/s relationship naturally… by how our chemistry is… it just fits for us…

i must say online D/s is really not for me.. i definitely prefer to have it real time with Master. Most i have observed online do not live the lifestyle in real… it is all a fantasy… How does one really know they are Dominant or submissive if they only type it out on a computer?

One conversation i had observed was a girl who said she was a real time switch… submissive to a Dominant Male but Domme to women… she commented that a D/s relationship was a co-dependent relationship… because one depended on the other for it to be a D/s relationship… my thoughts were co-dependent? co-dependent relationships are unhealthy to all involved… i tend to think of co-dependency as stagnant.. a standstill where neither person can move forward and grow… it being a viscious cycle that neither person can get out of… and both involved are unhappy… one needs the other to blame for their own unhappiness and/or vice versa… each blame the other so they don’t have to change themselves… easier to blame someone else than look inward and see the changes they need to make for their own happiness…

i definitely don’t think of my relationship with Master as a co-dependent one at all… i look up to Him… i hold Him in the highest respect… i admire His strength… His knowledge… His patience… and His extraordinary Love that He has for me… He is my teacher in so many ways… He is my Dom and i am His submissive but it is a relationship that grows and thrives on our love/need for one another… our relationship is always moving forward and growing… becoming stronger and better than the day before… we compliment one another and i truly believe that shows when we are together… we just flow nicely together….. in so many ways…

So i have to disagree with this girl’s aspect on a D/s relationship… for me a good healthy strong relationship… whether it be a D/s one or a vanilla one… it is not co-dependent… Yes you become dependent on one another but all in a very healthy way… where what you give/and get in return is something that both individuals cherish.. and it only enriches their relationship…

i have daily reminders of my place… i wear a choker and Master gave me an anklet with bells… the bells remind me of who i am… His slave… this is by far the richest… deepest bond i have ever had… and i treasure it … for it is more precious than any jewel i own… no price can be put on this… because it is definitely something few can obtain…

i am extremely fortunate to be my Master’s and there is no other place i would rather be than eternally at His feet…

08 18th, 2007

surrender-to yield to the possession or power of another; to give oneself up, as into the power of another; submit or yield

i never thought i would be one to surrender to another…but then i never really understood what it meant to surrender to someone… it is an unbelievable feeling… when Master is taking pleasure in what is His… i feel myself completely let go… knowing i am His… for His pleasure… to please Him… it is a feeling i have never experienced before… it gives me a deeper pleasure than i have ever known…

i think most think of surrendering one self … giving in to someone… a sign of weakness… to interpet that as such is really thinking that person is succumbing to another… they do it because they feel they have to but they are resentful for it.. they will not enjoy it and really are not surrendering oneself…but to truly understand it and to surrender yourself to that One… you must trust that One to truly surrender to Them…

i trust Master with my life… so for me to surrender to Him it is natural… and oh the bliss from doing it… i can’t even begin to express in words how erotic it truly is to surrender to Master… it is something so divine… i give Master power but i am also powerful for having done so… and my bond with Master has become even more powerful and deeper than any other relationship i have ever shared.. Master accepts this as a gift… He treasures it… He never abuses it… i am so lucky to have such a wonderful Master…

proudly wearing His collar…


08 18th, 2007

“He sets me free”

i was thinking about this the last few days… i know when i first heard it … my thoughts were… set me free? How can someone else having control over me set me free?

Well… i am beginning to fully understand that… Master has not taken control over me … i offered Him my submission as a gift.. He respects it and doesn’t abuse it… He treasures it … with that… treasures me…

He takes all responsibility for me… with Master i am able to explore so many things that i was never allowed to or ever even speak of such things to another… He does test me… push me … but it is completely different from the past relationships i have exprienced..

He loves me unconditionally… even when He punishes me… it is out of love… a deep love… and i know that at times it is really hard for Him to punish me…

This relationship has brought me such peace… on a level i have never felt before… He does not judge me… He does not riducule me… He does not belittle me… it is a bond i have never experienced before… i feel truly safe with Him… it has tamed something inside me… a fury… for lack of a better word… i feel at ease… and carefree… i am allowed to be me … There is training involved… but this is a necessity if i am to anticipate Master’s needs… He knows i am not perfect… but He is forgiving… loving… and is there for me like no other has been…

He really does set me free…. and i guess the only way i could ever understand it… was to give myself to Him….. and from there… Our bond has grown stronger each day…

the following is my poem to Master…. expressing my gift of submission to Him
my Gift

i kneel before You
Baring my soul
Stripped of all hiding places
Naked in my truth

i give myself to You
for You to shape and mold
Only wanting to please You

my mind, body, soul
my heart….are Yours
Yours for Your pleasure

The love You show me
Shines deep in my heart
Radiates from within me
Brightens my darkest day

With this love You share
i want to return it
Giving You as much pleasure
As You have given me

i give myself to You ….Completely

i love You.


Written with the deepest love for Master Sept/2006

i found this poem while surfing… author unknown… speaks of how i feel and many other submissives….

The Gift

she kneels before her lover’s feet and looks into His eyes…
searching for the truth she needs to see as she vows to Him her life.

Four packages lay on the floor all dully wrapped. she places the first gift,
wrapped in red, in the lap of the one she adores.

It is opened as quickly as He had won it … He views her heart inside.
It is Yours my Love, she whispers, and has been since the day we met,
my love for You is eternal… albeit ~ one day at a time.

she places the second gift in His lap, the paper is silver. He opens the
package A clear glass dome… A book.. Tell Me A Story.. Tis just my mind,
again she softly whispers, to do with as You will.. And a book of my thoughts
and stories.. i’ve written for You. she continues.. my mind is clear Master…
as this glass dome ~ i come to You by choice. I come to You in faith, humility,
in trust, and love.

The third one, a small satin heart shaped box, with tiny pearls on the top … she
watches as He opens the gift.. and sees the puzzled look upon His face… she
reaches forward, gently taking the empty box from His hands … softly she breathes
into the box… as she closes the box ~ quietly whispers… And now You have my
soul ~ for safe keeping… until our Heavenly Father calls me home. You were not
my first Love, as i was not Yours … but You will be my last Love… forever .. plus a day.

She bends to pick up the last gift … and trembles as she holds it. Small tears of
love run down her face. Quietly she whispers This gift has been the hardest. as she
places it in His lap… Opening the box He sees gold cord … Master, she whispers,
tilting her head and gazing into His eyes… her tears flowing freely down her cheeks…
i fully understand this is my last choice… i make it willingly… i make it joyfully… lowering
her eyes … with her arms outstretched crossed at the wrist… she says.. This gift is
more than just my love. It can’t be bought, it can’t be held ~ it can’t be wrapped… This gift is my
surrender… i am Yours.

~author unknown~