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January 2009
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About Me

my name is essence Master gave me this name when We first started exploring together i was not always a submissive woman or should i say i did not discover this side of me until i met the most wonderful Man i know. We met online almost 4 years ago i knew little of the D/s lifestyle We were first friends, talking for months… to meeting in real… becoming lovers. We've been living together for a year now.  i call Him Daddy.
you can email me at essence at subessence.com

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Diary of a Daddy’s girl

Master calls me essence… for i am the essence of His love… and He is the essence of my being…

Archive for the 'Dark days' Category

girl, interrupted

Author: essence
11 14th, 2008

Life has been hectic, Halloween came and went, costumes were adorable, my children were a hit, and yes i even dressed up with them. The week following… i had to rush one child to the Dr. and i am happy to say is doing much better, but 2 days after i got sick, puking… and all that fun stuff. Then i have been down with sinuses. i haven’t felt good for over a week now. yes… i am whining. lol

Daddy is busy with His business, mine has been slow… being sick hasn’t helped. i would love to find some work to do from home, to help fill in when my business is slow.

i have felt like i am going through the motions… day to day… doing what i have to do. i get up, make breakfast, deal with clients if i have any that day… take care of my kids, do housework and try to keep busy. i’ve gone back to reading alot of books to keep my mind occupied. i enjoy reading, but i feel lazy. Go to bed and get up and do it all over again.

i need to feel grounded, i feel a bit on edge or something, hard to explain. i want to get back to writing more again. The colder months are upon us, and i struggle with season changing, i need sunlight. i am realizing that i need structure, i need a schedule. i need discipline.

It’s late, i need sleep if i am going to kick this bug i have. more soon…..


a girl gone quiet

Author: essence
08 27th, 2008

i haven’t felt like writing much… a thought will go through my head when i’m away from my pc and i think o0o i should write about that… then i sit down and my mind goes blank. i’ve posted a few HNT pictures, i have been enjoying that, there is a bit of an exhibitionist in me… ummm always has been. i was notorious for flashing my boobs in my younger years, but being that i work very much with the public and i have children, the girls have been contained. lol Telling Daddy some of these stories always makes my face go red, He always calls me a naughty girl.

Daddy & i had an anniversary a few weeks ago, the first time we ever laid on eyes on one another, and the anniversary of my collaring. i tried to sit down and write about the first time we met, but again, i just couldn’t put it into words. i recall our first week together over and over, how we just fit together so beautifully. It’s hard to believe that we finally found each other.

We’ve both been working hard on our businesses and helping each other out. He works through the night sometimes on a project, while i need my sleep for the type of job i do. He works at home too, which is nice because if i can’t sleep, i can come down to the office for some cuddles and kisses. He’ll come to bed with me if i’m having a bad night, because He knows i sleep better with His arms around me. i love that about Him, how He wraps His body around mine, spooning me and off to sleep i go. Feeling safe and mostly loved.

Another reason i haven’t written as much is that it’s been summer, kids home more, it’s not easy to sit down and write what’s in my head when i have children wanting and needing my attention. Part of it too is this was how we communicated, pc & phone. Now that we live together, i haven’t wanted to sit at my pc or even talk on the phone. Summertime i get antsy too, i prefer to get outside, but now that summer is winding down, my business is going pretty good, and Daddy’s is picking up quite nicely. i hope to fall into more of a routine and not feel so chaotic somedays.

Daddy & i are doing well, i still have the occasional bout of insecurity, anxiety, but i am learning to talk through it more and more with Daddy… but y’know i am a woman and once a month it’s just hard to listen to anyone’s reason but my own. lol not that i enjoy that either, it just sucks all around.

time to get some things down around here….


Hello again…

Author: essence
07 19th, 2008

Remember me? my name is essence.

i am a Daddy’s girl. i am His submissive. i have alot of responsibilities with this too, along with the day to day life of trying to run my own business and raise 3 children. It can be challenging, very challenging, juggling everyone’s needs, taking care of the household, running my children about, taking care of Daddy, and on top of that, trying to make a name in my field of work in today’s falling economy, and helping Daddy start His business as well.

It’s all very scary, and it’s all very exciting at the same time.

Over the past month or so, i guess it has all built up in me and i had a meltdown, i don’t need to go into much detail about it but i am trying my best to come out of this. i fell under a blanket of darkness and not one that was good ; ) i forgot my place, i forgot alot of things and just let the blanket encompass me.

Daddy has been working very hard, and i felt neglected. i acted out badly. i deserve to be spanked. Truthfully, i want Him to spank me. i want it. i think i need it. i need my mind put straight.

Neither Daddy nor i are perfect, we make our mistakes. Communication is the key, no matter what kind of relationship you have.

i just wanted to come back and follow up a bit on what i wrote. Daddy read it and said it’s really sad. i don’t want to be sad, i felt sad, it isn’t a good time of year for me either. Memories of losing a very dear loved one come back and it was weighing on me. Some years, i can deal with it well, this year i miss this loved one very much, i always do but this year, i felt the need to have a connection with them. Even though they are not with me in life form, i know they are with me in spirit. i have daily reminders of them…. and i mean daily.

Anyway, it’s a beautiful day i am hanging out clothes, and going to start on my cleaning. i want to start writing more here… publish some of my naughty stories that i have written over the years for my Daddy.

Daddy, i love You. Thank You for loving me… even when i am bad.

His girl always

06 28th, 2008

i’ve been feeling lost, so these are just my ramblings… i don’t know if they will make sense and i will probably be jumping all over the place.

Sometimes i feel so much responsibility on my shoulders, it stresses me out. i have 3 children that i run about for, and i have been trying to start my own business in my field. It started out great but then became very slow, the economy is not helping one bit, but this week popped for me. (i hope it continues) The daily chores of the house have fallen behind. i am feeling the squeeze financially and it always stresses me out more than usual. i’ve put on a few pounds over the winter, 15 to be exact. i don’t feel sexy very often. i feel depressed and scared. Maybe that is why i woke up crying that night. It’s not been easy for me to talk about it either, and really i know i can talk to Daddy about anything and everything, but i hold it in.

To be honest, i’ve not behaved very well lately and i am ashamed. For some reason, not sure what brought it on but feelings of insecurity have surfaced. Really, i have no reason to feel that way. Trust… trust… something that has not been easy for me to give in past … and it seems lately i am struggling. It’s not that i don’t want to trust… i do… so very much. Letting go of past pain is so hard and clouds your mind. i need to cleanse my mind i think. i need to feel grateful for the things i do have and not focus so much on the negative thoughts of how things are going. i am allowing the outside influences of the world (stresses of day to day living) cloud all that is really good in my life.

my Daddy loves me more than anyone has ever loved me before, of all the people in my life, next to my mother, He is definitely on my side… and yet i keep thinking one day He is going to think He wants out of this… this mess … because that is how i have been feeling. i’m not bringing in the income i know that i have the potential to bring in but as i said previously my field of work is taking a hit from the economy. i go to school, get a degree and now i feel like i am drowning. Do i need to get a different job and give up this quest of having my own business? i really don’t know what to do… i feel lost and confused.

my submission is not where it should be either, i seem to be struggling there as well. It’s not always easy taking care of 3 children who make demands on you, work in the field that i do (taking care of others) and i feel like i am not taking care of my Daddy as i should be…. that i am failing and that He will look for someone who can take care of Him the way He needs. So i am not trusting in the love that we have… that just hit me just now. i feel ashamed for thinking that… Us… who would have people look at us, as we are so lost in one another… The couple that a man approached at a restaurant and says to us “He handles you well… You can tell He loves you very much.” i want that couple back, but really that couple is right here. That couple has not gone anywhere… its the day to day stresses that cloud over that couple… but then it’s only me that allows there to be a cloud. i can’t seem to see through that cloud somedays…

i am lost.