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November 2008
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About Me

my name is essence Master gave me this name when We first started exploring together i was not always a submissive woman or should i say i did not discover this side of me until i met the most wonderful Man i know. We met online almost 4 years ago i knew little of the D/s lifestyle We were first friends, talking for months… to meeting in real… becoming lovers. We've been living together for a year now.  i call Him Daddy.
you can email me at essence at subessence.com

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Diary of a Daddy’s girl

Master calls me essence… for i am the essence of His love… and He is the essence of my being…

Archive for November, 2008

WOW 5 years…

Author: essence
11 28th, 2008

Yes it’s been 5 years ago that my Daddy & i first started talking to each other. It started out just casual talking, getting to know one another. i was telling Him i was getting ready to go back to school after the first of the year. We talked about kids, music, we had alot of common interests, especially in music. Daddy is older than me, and He always told me i was born 15 years too late…

i remember how i always looked forward to our chats. i was starting down a path in my life then too. i was scared as hell, going back to school. i look back and at some point after the first 3 months of chatting we began to talk on a daily basis. He became my biggest fan, my biggest supporter in my schooling. Always inquiring about my day. It made me feel so good to have someone like that in my life. i had spent my last relationship so stifled, put down and my self esteem was so low. i was overweight at the time too.

i think it was in the spring of that year that i made a choice to lose my excess weight. i had never been overweight before that period of my life and i was extremely unhappy. Then Daddy suggested we meet. i was going to school still, and we planned on my summer break to meet. i had a goal, i wanted to get in shape before then. i had 4 months, i had already had a good start on what i wanted to lose, and i worked hard and did it healthy.

i was so nervous about meeting too. i remember that day clearly too, i drove up and He opened the door of my car, reached in and pulled me out into His arms. He kept calling me pretty, and we kissed, and kissed. He made me a dinner, and it was so good. He had flowers for me too. We spent time talking, stealing kisses, and we danced… He took me into the bedroom…. and it was magical.

We continued to see each other for the next couple of years, i finished school, started working in my field. He moved up here a year ago the beginning of Nov.

It’s hard for me to imagine how my life would be if i hadn’t started chatting with Daddy 5 years ago.

He was there for me, always… like He is now. i’m one lucky girl.

i love You Daddy.

11 19th, 2008

So lately i have been dealing with some major insecurity issues, of course they are magnified when i pms. It’s horrible. i have a fear of abandonment.

So this morning, after getting kids off to school, i was having my morning cup of coffee, Daddy sleeping in. i turned on a movie called “Evening”, about a dying woman slipping in and out of consciousness, and her two grown daughters are with her. She says a man’s name, and the daughter’s ask who he is? She replied with “My first mistake… it’s like remembering your first kiss… you remember your first mistake.” i thought wow, is that ever true.

my first mistake? i was 18, started my first job right out of high school… he was 4 yrs older than me. i worked in the office and he was in the front end of the store. After a few months of working, he offered to do some work on my car… i took it to his house and that’s how it began. i lost my virginity to that man, not that day, but a few months later. We carried on for 2 years, and he had other girls, (one girl was even someone i knew) i stayed faithful. i remember it was a very hurtful time, i thought i loved this man, and he kept his distance, never committing, but silly me, i hung on and hoped he would love me. He never did… i was convenient. i became pregnant, and when i told him, he accused me of it being someone else’s. There was no one else. He then put the wheels in motion of moving… out of state. He didn’t want me or the baby. I ended up losing the baby before he moved.

It was such a slap in the face, the rejection i felt, the betrayal… the abandonment. i pined for that man for a number of years, always wondering the “what ifs”. i did run into him over and over through the years, he had moved back not too long after he had left. Again over 10 yrs ago, and we had talked. We had little fling. i was miserable and i did alot of soul searching and i walked away from him. i realized he would never value who i was, what i had to offer, the love i had to give. i walked.

i can honestly say i have no feelings left for him, except maybe sadness. i truly think this is the source of all my insecurity and abandonment issues. Daddy has reassured me over and over that He isn’t going anywhere, that i am the love of His life, that He has never had such a bond with someone. Oh the baggage we carry with us through the years… it is time to lighten my load and believe in and trust in Daddy’s words, not just His words but His actions. He has been living here for a year, and He has been my biggest fan since the day we started talking… which is 4 years ago next week.

i love You Daddy and i will do my best to be a good girl for You.

Your babygirl

girl, interrupted

Author: essence
11 14th, 2008

Life has been hectic, Halloween came and went, costumes were adorable, my children were a hit, and yes i even dressed up with them. The week following… i had to rush one child to the Dr. and i am happy to say is doing much better, but 2 days after i got sick, puking… and all that fun stuff. Then i have been down with sinuses. i haven’t felt good for over a week now. yes… i am whining. lol

Daddy is busy with His business, mine has been slow… being sick hasn’t helped. i would love to find some work to do from home, to help fill in when my business is slow.

i have felt like i am going through the motions… day to day… doing what i have to do. i get up, make breakfast, deal with clients if i have any that day… take care of my kids, do housework and try to keep busy. i’ve gone back to reading alot of books to keep my mind occupied. i enjoy reading, but i feel lazy. Go to bed and get up and do it all over again.

i need to feel grounded, i feel a bit on edge or something, hard to explain. i want to get back to writing more again. The colder months are upon us, and i struggle with season changing, i need sunlight. i am realizing that i need structure, i need a schedule. i need discipline.

It’s late, i need sleep if i am going to kick this bug i have. more soon…..