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i’m really pissed at myself. i’ve been allowing my issues with my ex effect Daddy & i. i am struggling right now with how to deal with this anger that i have towards my ex. i can’t seem to let go, part of me feels once this last final chapter is closed with him, that it will all get better. i am afraid. it seems i’ve allowed it to cloud my happiness… affecting what i have with Daddy. i feel a bit lost right now. Daddy has been so patient with all this but i see where He is right. He feels it will always be something with that ex. Daddy said somethings to me last night that i didn’t want to hear and i wanted to run. i was hurt by some of it, the sting is still there but i realize He is right. He sees me distressing, hurt and the toll it’s taking on me. i’ve allowed it to take control over me and i am lost in it. i want to run, i want to hide but i can’t. i have to stand up and face this, and i will get through this… i will… i just have to……..
With everything i have going on in my personal life, there is one thing i am sure of. Wherever Daddy & i are.. is Home. As long as we are together, i am Home. He is my Home. my love for Him has deepened during this time of stress and strife. He is always there for me. He holds me, He reassures me that no matter what, we are going to be ok. He loves me, like no one has ever loved me before. Today i was driving to a meeting, and i kept thinking of our first time together. Our wonderful time where we shut out the world and it was just the two of us. How we explored one another, enjoyed one another, our silly times, our deep heartfelt times, and my surrendering to Him. For 2 years we saw each other long distance, it is coming up on the anniversary of our first meeting. Even though those 2 years were difficult, i have alot of wonderful memories of our getting to know one another. i was an impatient girl, but looking back i am glad Daddy & i didn’t rush to live together. We took time to get to know one another in person. It’s alot different than talking on a computer or on the phone. We are comfortable together, we fit nicely. We had a get together this week with some of my friends from college. One of my dearest friends is moving out of state, it’s been hard on me, but everytime i think of him moving, i push it out of my mind and ignore the fact that i won’t see him as often. i know the damn will burst one day but i have been avoiding it so far. He wrote Daddy a nice note, telling Daddy that he felt relieved to know that Daddy was here to take care of me. My dear friend is like family to me. i have abandonment issues and my friend is fully aware of them. He knows i won’t acknowledge his leaving, and reminds me that he still is. i tell him, i am good at burying my head in the sand and avoiding this kind of pain. i know i need to face it but it hurts. i know, he’s not dying, he’s just moving. And we’ll talk daily i am sure on the computer. Even as i type this, i feel the lump in my throat and i swallow it down, not letting it come out. i am not ready to. i know when i do, Daddy will be there for me. Daddy has gotten to be close friends with him as well. We both are going to miss him, as we have spent alot of time together. i am hoping by August a lot of the stress that i have been dealing with will come to an end. i PRAY that this turmoil that is going on in my life will end. Daddy & i talk alot about it being our fresh start, and my dear friend has echoed that sentiment as well. it is time for me to close the chapter on part of my past and heal from it. i hope and pray this is the beginning of my healing. i look forward to having that peace come over me and releasing all that baggage i have carried. i look forward to being able to focus on the wonderment of Daddy & i. i look forward to giving my children all that they need from me… and not be consumed with this BS from the past. i pray for peace in my heart… so that Daddy & i be at Home together… xoxo
to my very special Daddy. I LOVE YOU with all my heart and soul. i am Yours forever Daddy. Your babygirl
We’ve had an extremely cold spring and now summer is slow starting. The kids are out of school. Daddy’s business is really taking off, mine is coming back to life again. A lot has been going on in our household, a lot of stress from someone on the outside. We are going to be making a big move and getting a place that is ours. i am ready for the change. i can’t go into a lot of details, i like my privacy and i am a lioness with my children. One day i would love to just type it all out here and get it off my chest, but i am not comfortable as i have an evil ex and i always fear that if i say too much about my personal life and he was to come across this blog … ugh. So i wait until this chapter in my life is over and then i will come and pour out my feelings. Daddy once again has proven how much He loves me and continually stands by me through all this. i am an extremely lucky girl. The stress i have been under has taken a toll on my body, i have gained some weight back, which adds to my stress. i become afraid that Daddy will be not think me attractive. The stress has taken a toll on my sex drive as well. We both believe when this is over, i will be getting back on track. i use to journal my food to Daddy before He moved here. i will start that again, it has been difficult this time to get motivated. i want to move forward and leave this baggage behind and just enjoy my family, my career and Daddy’s & my successes. We are thinking of going on vacation next month, just the two of us. i think it is much needed. Until then, i keep moving forward and try not to look back too much, but i know once this part is done with, i won’t be giving my past a second glance. xoxoxo
i haven’t been writing too much of late, i have been going through some major stress right now. i can’t go into alot of detail, as for my privacy. i do see a light at the end of the tunnel. i truly believe when this is all said and done i will be able to move forward in a more positive way. oh Daddy & i are fine, the stress is not between or about us. i am closing a HUGE chapter in my life and my whole family will breath a lot easier… xoxoxo
1am “Take those off “He says, but really He is vigorously pulling them down and off. my shorts are thrown on the floor. He is promptly opening my legs, pressing one down with His leg, forcing the other leg open with His hand. “you love when I take you, don’t you?” “Yes Daddy i do.” “Why?” my mind races, all the things go through my head, because i love being manhandled by You, but what comes out is. “Because i’m a naughty girl.” He coos in my ear, “yes baby, you are a naughty girl, and what do naughty girls like to do?” oh the wide area of things that go through my head again! “i love sucking cocks, love to be fucked, i love to be used,” i whisper. As Daddy is going between playing with my pussy to pulling at my nipples. “you love to be finger fucked don’t you.” i gasp softly as He plunges His fingers inside me. “Yes” escapes my lips. He goes from finger fucking me to abruptly slapping my pussy, i jump at this abrupt change, but i know i am getting wetter. “Touch your Daddy’s cock.” i immediately obey. i have felt on my leg the whole time, waiting for Him to tell me just this. my hand goes around His hard cock and i begin stroking it. His fingers going from fucking my pussy to circling my clit. i am quickly becoming even more aroused. “Why do you love sucking cocks baby?” “Because i’m a naughty girl.” “Yes baby you are, should I let you suck other cocks.” “Yes Daddy.” “Why?” “Because i’m a slut and i love to suck cock.” “I think you should suck your Daddy’s cock now.” He lays back and i kneel beside Him taking His cock into my mouth. He pulls my ass towards Him. i feel Him lubing it up, and He starts to play with my ass. “you like when I play with your ass, don’t you?” Feeling embarrassed, “yes” i say softly. His fingers slide into my ass, i moan. He is teasing me as i become even more aware of His fingers and His moment. “Feels good baby?” OMG it feels so good… i think i am quickly becoming an ass slut. He is fucking my ass with His fingers, i feel Him stretching me, i keep sucking His cock, He moans as i take Him into my mouth deeper and run my tongue around His shaft. “mmmm baby, I love that tongue.” All i can really think about is His finger in my ass. my arousal has intensified and the thought goes through my head this feels so good, i wish i was on Daddy’s face. No sooner does this thought go through my mind that i hear Daddy say “give Me that sweet lil pussy of mine.” i move my hips over Him and He lowers me down onto His mouth and His fingers immediately go back to my ass. i love this position, where we are both getting and giving so much pleasure. i am lost and completely unaware of anything else but my Daddy’s cock in my mouth, His tongue at my clit & pussy and His fingers driving into my ass. The desire between us is so strong, “Daddy can i cum?” He answers with more intensity and i can’t hold on, and i cum hard and it keeps on in waves. “Fuck your Daddy’s cock like the lil slut you are” i immediately switch around and Daddy’s cock just right in, i moan as He fills me. “you like having a cock inside you, don’t you” This is more a statement than a question, Daddy’s hands go between my nipples to my hips as i ride Daddy. “you want to fuck alot of cocks don’t you baby.” He pulls me down on top of Him, His arms going around me, down to my ass and we beginning our rhythmic dance of lust. “If my Daddy wants me to” i breathe into His ear. “you want to don’t you…” He says more demanding. i shyly reply “Yes Daddy, because i am a slut and i need to be fucked.” His hand comes down on my ass and His mouth finds mine, kissing me deeply. Our fucking becomes more wild it’s been a few weeks and it is completely inhibited. He pushes me back up as i ride His cock and His hands on my hips, and His body tenses, His grip on me tightens, and as He shoots His cum inside me. The throbbing of His cock sends me over the edge and my pussy is convulsing around His cock as i join Him. “Don’t move He says.” i remain with my pussy clamped around His cock and i feel His every shutter and ever throb of His cock. He pulls me to His side, kissing me, breathing softly, His hand on my chin, “I love you.” i purr back… “i love You too.” i listen.. the house is quiet. Thank God for locked doors. i curl up to my Daddy’s side and we drift happily off into slumberland.
i had written this over 2 yrs ago… i haven’t written so much poetry of late. i miss it, maybe it’s time i start again. i love You Daddy After spending time with my Master… a few days lost in each other… it is even more evident to me how much i belong to Him… i am finding how rich it really is to be His submissive… to be His Everything… i am overwhelmed by the depth of His love… and it is an overwhelming feeling i would not ever want to lose… it is beyond words of expression what i feel for Him… i am lost in His love… His touch… His kisses… it is then i realize the depth of my surrendering… my submission to Him… and it is then that i feel the wealth of my gift to Him… i am eternally His… His possession… i am owned… and i am in utmost bliss… Our Love… when i am wrapped in His arms i feel His desire for me i feel His passion i feel at peace in His presence i feel One with Him essence© Written with deepest Love for Master November 6, 2006
So much is going on in the world. Surrounding me, I am finding so much anger from some, sadness from others, and I felt like I was drowning today, having my own anger and sadness surround me. This song has always struck a cord with me, it’s eerie and full of sadness, it’s been awhile since I’ve watched this movie Donny Darko. I am a big Idol fan and when Adam (who is my fav) sang this a few weeks ago, it’s kind of been haunting me. Haunting is a good word for how I have felt… something haunting me. I am imperfect, I have hurt some, but I am trying real hard to make things right, but how can you obtain forgiveness from someone who holds dearly to their anger. So I have to forgive myself and realize that sometimes it just is… Tonight I step outside myself and there are so many things that are much bigger than I. I can only be me. I am just a small part of a very big picture. Daddy loves me for who I am, as I love Him. He is my rock, someone who tries (smirks a bit) to keep this girl grounded. He doesn’t have an easy job. He is patient, He is understanding… He is loving. So tonight I look upon my sleeping children with pride and love in my heart… I look to my Daddy with love and respect and in this Mad World we live in… I am truly blessed.
As i am curled up on the couch with Daddy, He is watching His wrestling… which reminds me of when i was younger and watching it with my Dad. i grew up around it, my brothers watched it, down into their children. i myself, grew out of it … somewhat… until tonight Daddy & i were reminiscing of the old wrestlers. i was throwing down names, the crusher, andre, jake the snake, macho man, verne gagne & his son greg oh and so many others…. then i was trying to remember a tag team, so i called my Dad, who just happens to be watching wrestling too. Between the 3 of us, we figured out … THE ROAD WARRIORS, Animal & Hawk. This all brought on to our own wrestling on the couch, doing all the fake moves… and making up a few of our own… which has left me giggling. oh how i love these moments with Daddy… so carefree and silly… so full of love… those looks that are shared, smiling from the heart. These are the times i really treasure with my Daddy. i love You Daddy, thank you for coming into my life.
It’s about time!!! It’s been a long winter and this week has been absolutely beautiful. The downside of spring is seasonal allergies, Daddy got hit with a nasty cold and He is sick. i on the otherhand, have been lucky so far. (knock on wood) i usually get it hit so hard that it can be borderline pneumonia in a week. i am into alternative medicine, and it’s been good so far. Daddy is so busy, i have to remind Him to take care of Himself. Guess that’s my job, taking care of Him in every aspect. i do my best. i am so proud of Him too, work has been incredible for Him. i know He finds it so fulfilling, i do my best to always network not just for me, but for Him as well. The weekend is now here, i plan on doing some spring cleaning. Get out in the yard a bit, get out and walk. i love when everything is starting to sprout up from the ground. A time of renewal, i feel the need to do a cleanse, not just body, but of mind & spirit. There are some things that seem to have come full circle, there is new avenues popping up before me, and there is still a bit of a rat terrier that clings to my ankle, trying to hold me back into the past. i hope to once and for all to shake that damn thing free. Life doesn’t always turn out the way we planned it, sometimes even more wonderful things happen to us than we could have imagined. i feel Daddy & i are closer now than we ever have been. He is my Rock. i have shed some old friendships that i felt were depleting my energy, i have mourned those, and now moving on from them. Going out on my own business-wise, i am making new connections and new friends. my guard is always up, because i have been hurt deeply by women, so i am always cautious. Honestly, it’s been really nice though. i am building some wonderful business relationships and learning so much. Daddy & i network alot together, i’ve had more than one person tell me that He & i work well together. That is always nice to hear. The sun is shining, it is time for me to get moving. i hear Daddy snoring, letting Him sleep in as He needs His rest terribly. essence
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